Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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