Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
