Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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