I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
