yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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