Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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