Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize