please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
