What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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