the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
