I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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