you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize