Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
