I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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