you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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