i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
