So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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