she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
