Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
