Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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