like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
