I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
