i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
