low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
