I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
