I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
