I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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