Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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