That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
