Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize