Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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