i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
