i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
