he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
