I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize