6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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