Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
