i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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