I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
