i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
