i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize