if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
