god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He better not be in your backpack
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
