we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
