and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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