just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
