nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize