ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
