Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
