i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
