Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
