I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
