Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize