This girl is more easily done than said...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
