dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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