Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
