apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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