I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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