So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
