New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
