if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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