its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
