sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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