normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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