I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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