Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
